Hey yall!! I’m Tori and I will be doing our blog for the month of August. I am an actress and a current graduate student at DePaul University in Chicago. Since quarantine has started, I’ve been home with my family in California. During this process I’ve taken some time to try out different ways to practice self-care and maintaining motivation for art. I wanted to share with you all some things that I was able to explore during my time inside!

Never Again Video:

Since this last spring quarter was held online, our “Acting for Camera” class consisted with a great amount of video making assignments. This was my proudest video this quarter. The assignment was to make a video using the poem or speech of our choice. I chose the speech written by Naomi Wadler for the March for Our Lives event in Washington DC. At the time Naomi was only eleven years old but she had already considered herself an activist for gun violence. Her speech spoke about black girls and women who were victims and also forgotten. Her speech was about honoring them because no one else would. I decided to take advantage of the fact that I’m home and use my mom for most of the video. I also wanted younger, female, black voices for the speech itself so I decided to use my nieces’ voices for the voice-overs. I’m sure when you watch the video, you’ll understand the story wink wink. Thanks Mommy, Maya, and Nia! I hope you enjoy it!

Art Night Creations:

With our world-wide pandemic currently happening, mental health is something people really need to stay on top of. I was lucky enough to come home to my parents and family just so I wouldn’t be in my apartment alone the entire time. Even then, though, with everything being adjusted to online courses and having to spend so much time on the screen, I needed to find something that forced me to focus on something other than my work and didn’t require me to look at a screen. There was a night where my cousins and I decided to attempt to do a virtual paint night. At the time, I didn’t have paint with me, only crayons. So I ended up coloring rather than painting. As the quarter went on, I started having more virtual art nights with friends (or with my mom). What’s different is that, not everyone has crayons or paint; so I usually tell my friends to physically create something by the end of the night. For the most part, I would research pretty images and do my best to recreate them. The pictures below are some of my own projects.

Freedom Challenge:

For my first main season show that I was cast in at DePaul was Our Lady of Kibeho written by Katori Hall. With a predominantly black cast and a predominantly white and/or white passing design crew, there were plenty of ups and downs in the creative process all around. Needless to say, our show was done and was successful for the most part.

One of my absolute favorite things about our rehearsal process was our warm-up. Every day, as a cast, we would come together and stand in a circle and do the warmup shown in the video. We were taught this exercise by one of our assistant directors, Emil Thomas. He named it the fight; and for the story of our play, that was perfect.

I’ve been doing this warm-up at home because it is one of my absolute favorite ways to relief stress and anger but also to regain my power. We are in an odd time where people on the outside are just now learning about how deeply rooted white supremacy is and so, as if we as black bodies didn’t have enough reminders already, we are beginning to see the truest colors that are all around us and it is terrifying. Whenever I go outside, now, there is always a response. Either a person does everything to not make eye contact with me or smiles extra hard as if they are assessing if I am “one of the good ones.” Every day was already a fight, and now is the time we need each other as a black community. We need to remind ourselves of how strong and worthy we truly are.

There were technically 6 parts of this warmup. Emil would tell us something similar to the following whenever each one occurred:

Bounce- Literally throw away all of that negative energy that the outside keeps putting on you. You are worthy. You are royal.

Push- Push out the haters, the nay-sayers, and every single thing that tells you that you can’t. This could be done as multiple pushes or a long, sustained, ENERGY fueled push!

Jump- Don’t let anyone take away your happiness and joy. Hold yourself higher than them. You are a Queen!

Breathe- You feel tired but you aren’t. You can do more than you think. The exhaust is coming from your mind. Don’t listen to it. Control your breath! Breathe in…throw it down. You control it, IT doesn’t control you. You are so much stronger than you think.

Punch- Beat the HELL out of your bullies both inside and outside of your bodies! Feel free to make this as ugly as you want it to be. Beat them down. You are a winner, do not forget that.

Wring- (Sidenote, yes I know I spelled it wrong in the video haha) Focus on that one little thing, that one tiny thing that keeps stopping you, keeps getting in your way and wring out every last bit of it. Whether it be anxiety, a person, stress, wring it out! Use all of your body. You should be exhausted by the time you finish this. If this requires making sound, if it requires for you to scream, then so be it!

One of the overall themes of the show was that it took place during the preface of the Rwandan Genocide. Although we were school girls, there was still plenty of tension in school against the girls who identified as Tutsi and those who identified as Hutu. We were children already fighting the adults’ war.

When Emil first taught us this warmup he wanted us all to connect so he had us stand in a circle and face each other. As the process went on, he realized that we were actually beginning to be almost too united. He had the Tutsi’s on one side of the room, and the Hutu’s on the other side. Of course, this is where we realized we were slightly too united, as well. He had us chant at each other, “I am Hutu! I am power of all power!” “I am Tutsi! Hutu is shit!” and he would wait for a moment while all of the anger and the weight settled into our bodies…and then he’d start the fight exercise.

Aquatic Fears:

When my brother and I were younger, we went to a summer program during the time when school was out. Every week we would take a field trip to a swimming pool. I dreaded this day and none of my friends understood why. They didn’t understand what water did to my hair. They didn’t understand that their experience with water was different than mine. When they got out of the water, they took showers and they were fine for the rest of the day. Water caused both my mom and I so much stress. I was afraid of it. A while ago I wrote about my fears of water in a show that I have been working on that is tentatively named Nappy Conversations. I wanted to write and/or create something dedicated to the journey of my hair. This particular piece below narrates some of the thoughts that would go through my mind when field trip day would come.

Field-trip Day

by Victoria Thompson

No I don’t like going.

Yes, I know it’s hot outside.

There are plenty of reasons that I don’t like going.

Most likely I’m the only one that doesn’t get in.

If I do get in, I have to stay in the corner and move slowly.

I can’t look too suspicious or else someone will come and splash me.

Even if I sit on the edge and put my feet in.

It’s as if my carefulness creates temptation for people who don’t care

And people who are just “curious” as to what happens to it when it gets wet.

Their curiosity equals my pain.

The more fun I have,

the more pain I’ll be in later.

Yes, I’ve tried the caps.

No I don’t like those either.

If you haven’t noticed, I have very thick hair.

It takes a lot to seal all of it into one tiny cap.

Once you do it,

Like actually do it,

it hurts!

It constantly tugs at circumference of my head.

The world’s worst game of tug-a-war and I always lose.

Even when I don’t, there’s always a slight opening SOMEWHERE

An opening that ruins my life without me even knowing

Until I take it off,

not knowing that it did nothing

But give me a deep conditioning treatment of chlorine.

When that’s the case, then I will surely cry from the comb that night.

It’s hard to explain to you because you have no idea what this process looks like

You don’t know what it’s like to bend over the kitchen sink while your mom scraps your scalp

To sit still while she untangles every hair on your head with a comb

While re-untangles every hair with a dryer!

To pray that the metal comb doesn’t touch your scalp.

To stay quiet during the 4 hour process so she won’t get irritated with your pain.

Bottom line is, I’m too tender headed to go swimming.

I have too much hair to go swimming.

We don’t have enough products at home right now for me to go swimming.

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to go swimming.

My mom has too much of a workday for me to go swimming.

It’s too much of a weekday for me to go swimming.

I mean for God’s sake, it’s Wednesday! you’re not even giving me the weekend.

So yeah, I’ll pass.

It’s not worth it.

You guys spend most of the time staring at my head when I get in anyway.

I’m your friend now,

But I become an experiment when we get in.

We have to get pass all the “wow’s” and the “so is this what it looks like when you wash it’s?”

Before we finally get to the “Marco…..Polo’s.”

Even if you think it’s “pretty”

The pool really does nothing but reminds us all that I’m different.

So, yeah I’d rather go swimming with my family.

I’ll wait.

Y’all have fun though.

I’ll just bring stuff for me to do while you-

What?

…..Yes I need sunscreen

Yes I do get sunburnt too..

Below is another piece I wrote dedicated to my hair!

Ode to Curls:

by Victoria Thompson

My hair and I have been together my whole life. Our relationship is complicated. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes I want her to look different and sometimes I feel like she wants me to look different. A lot of times, other people want her to look different. When others started wanting her to look different, unfortunately, that made our relationship abusive. I’d burn her all the time but then I’d try to make her have someone else’s natural curl when it wasn’t hers. The truth is, she had her own curl but, it got burned out. She’s been trying to tell me that we make a great team but I ignored her. I’m not saying we’ll never fight again, but I do love her. And I’ll try my best to keep her healthy and happy.

Once I was able to move past most of my fears and regrets about my hair, I soon came to realize that swimming and being in water is one of my favorite things in the world.

Swimming makes me feel free. I can move in any direction I want and it strengthens me. Water carries me and I carry it. When I’m under water everything is silent and free. For a few seconds, I’m not too thick, nappy, or black to enjoy myself. For a few seconds I can be all of myself and dance with water.

An Isolated Black Artist